Last night was my first night back in about two weeks.
That’s like forever in jiu-jitsu time.
I hate having to miss and I especially hate having to miss for multiple classes in a row. There’s the obvious reason I hate missing, I love jiu-jitsu and I love how doing jiu-jitsu makes me feel. Jiu-jitsu helps me in so many areas of my life and when I have to miss, it can easily knock everything else off kilter.
Another reason I don’t like missing is that with me being a super shy person, every class, every single class, I get nervous walking into the gym. There’s a part of me that is like, “Jesus, Allison! Still?”
After two years, I’m still nervous walking onto the mat. So, when I’ve missed a few classes and don’t face that fear on a regular basis, it just continues to build and snowball into a bigger fear and there’s a little voice in my brain that tries to talk me out of going. The longer I’m away, the harder it is to go.
Another reason? I’m a creature of routine and when I have to deviate from my routine I get cranky. Super cranky. Routine is my jam.
So yeah, I was a little nervous and in my head at first. There’s always that worry that a few missed classes means I’ve forgotten everything, I’m going to look like an idiot, and everyone is going to point and laugh at me. Have I ever mentioned that I don’t tend to use logical thought and reasoning? I typically rely on ridiculousness and self-depreciating thoughts to fuel my brain. It’s more fun that way. Makes life a little more challenging. And comical in a kind of, sort of, mostly sad way.
When it came time for rolling I was a little worried about my “new year, new me” goal of no less than six rounds a night. See, I set that goal while I was going regularly and didn’t foresee that I was going to have to miss for a few weeks and possibly lose my cardio. There was a part of me that was kicking myself for setting that goal. The other part of me decided that I couldn’t miss my goal on the first day back after I set it, could I? No effin’ way.
So six rounds I did.
Six rounds with the full rainbow of jiu-jitsu colors: white (2), blue, purple, brown, and black. I nearly died, but I got in my six rounds. Obviously, my cardio wasn’t all that great, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I made mistakes, I tried some new things I had “studied” while stuck at home, got some fantastic advice on some things I have been struggling with, and I had a lot fun. The mat was full and being there made me so happy. It felt amazing to be back!
Oh, and I asked people to roll. Yay me!