The sign of a great BJJ class all lies in those first few steps in the morning after. Sometimes it’s so
bad great it results in me sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched over questioning my sanity while also pondering how the hell I’m going to actually make my body move.
Those first few steps ain’t pretty.
I’m half tempted to purchase a walker to have beside the bed to assist me in those early morning hours where my body is revolting against me. Don’t even get me started on going up or down stairs.
I kid. I’m being super dramatic. The pain and soreness is a great reminder that I am so very lucky to be healthy and able to push my body to those limits. Many others don’t have that luxury.
My definition of a “great class” was me getting destroyed. I admit it didn’t feel great at the time and it definitely, at one point, made me question why I am doing this.
There are some days that the thought of me being successful in BJJ still feels impossible. Last night it was the result of getting absolutely and embarrassingly destroyed by a fellow white belt. I was hoping at 9 months in that I could at least survive rolling with a white belt. This guy made me feel like it was my first day. Granted he’s a young, freak of nature, machine, but I’m stubborn and often times forget that I have many shortcomings that make it hard for me to currently compete with that.
I still sometimes struggle with not comparing my journey in this wild BJJ ride with those around me. I need to remember that my experience is going to be unique to me. I’m definitely going to progress slower than most of my BJJ peers and that is kind of a tough pill to swallow.
Said in my whiniest, brattiest voice, “But I don’t wanna be the suckiest white belt of them all!” as I stomp the ground in a toddler-esque tantrum.
Did I mention I might be a little stubborn?
But, with all that said, I’m kind of excited to see how my game develops and how it will be different. My hope is that my shortcomings are going to make me very technical. I’m a perfectionist so the thought of being technique driven makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I need to look at it as I’m on a really, really, reeeaaaallllllly long road to becoming a technical badass.
I know that the most important thing for me right now is to keep moving forward. Keep showing up. Keep trying. Keep a positive attitude.
If anything, last night, after an initial disappointment in myself, I was extremely motivated. Anytime someone just straight-up destroys me in rolling I mentally put them on my Allison-is-one-day-going-to-get-her-turn list. Just like Arya Stark and her list, I will one day get my turn.
I will check them off one by one. Hopefully with a little less of the bloody, Game of Thrones style of revenge, and instead more of the friendly ass-kicking BJJ style.
I will keep moving forward, be patient, and focus on getting my day.
I can do this.