I can’t pinpoint the exact moment that it happened, but somewhere in the last few weeks I’ve discovered that I have developed an almost overwhelming love for BJJ. I can’t quit thinking about it. Every free moment I get, jiu-jitsu is where my thoughts end up. At night I am actually having trouble sleeping because I am playing out rolling scenarios in my head and every time I get to the point of finishing my pretend submission, my body will move and kind of squeeze like I’m getting the finish.
Let me tell you, in my little make believe jiu-jitsu matches, I am much better. I like my little simulated jiu-jitsu world where I always get the finish.
Maybe this stronger love developed because I’ve survived through the muck of the first few months. I have survived what I’ve read to be the hardest part a white belt will go through, the first six months.
I think one (of many) of the hardest hurdles for a white belt, and for really anything that you are a beginner at, is simply being new. Being absolutely clueless to what you are doing. It can really make you feel stupid. Reduced to a baby learning to do the most basic of functions.
You are in class and everything that is being thrown at you is so foreign and often times overwhelming. You are watching demonstrations with multiple steps that make zero sense to you. Then when you go with your partner to drill it, you can’t remember most of it. It drives me crazy. How in the world can I watch the demo over and over and still can’t retain enough to do it? I would go completely blank most of the time, my mind twisted, confused, and blown to pieces.
Now, jiu-jitsu isn’t so foreign and overwhelming anymore. I have a primary knowledge at my disposal and a general understanding of some basic concepts. I have a better grasp of why this goes here and why you move there. What a difference that makes. It makes it so much easier to pick up those details when you understand why you are doing it. Getting past that hump makes it so much easier to focus on the fun and badass-edness of jiu-jitsu. (If you have figured out yet, I like to make up my own words. It’s fun. You should try it.)
I believe the love also took on a new development when I watched my husband compete. It kind of sparked a little something inside of me that wants to compete too. I mean, I knew that eventually I wanted to go down that road, but now I might end up doing it sooner rather than later. Once I realized that, my focus shifted and I found new motivation to train with the intent of getting better at every opportunity that I can. It made all of the emotional trip ups that I have slide to the back burner and become something that I am no longer choosing to focus on.
There is a great quote that says, “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”
I feel like this is the perfect description of where I am at right now. I feel like I have found some motivation to help push the old me aside and work solely on getting better and to train with a goal to work towards.
Last night, I did two jiu-jitsu classes, back to back and I loved both of them. I walked away from both with tons of basic knowledge that I feel like I can actually remember and apply. It was such a great night and it made me excited and hungry to learn more.
I just really love where I’m at right now. I am super fired up about BJJ and the road ahead.