Class last night was awesome. It was also excellent. Marvelous. Wonderful. Fantastic. And, whatever else words you could find in the thesaurus under the word great.

I was little scared of class, to be honest. Monday didn’t go well for me and due to family and school events I haven’t been able to go to a gi class since last Tuesday. I have to be really careful about not missing class and being consistent with driving forward towards my goals. When I push myself out of my little safety bubble I have to do it almost everyday or I find myself sinking right back into my little comfort zone. After a week of stewing in my comfort, I had taken a few steps back. I was nervous.

Rolling went so well. I mean technically if you want to look at it from a win/lose stand point, I didn’t really win. But, from a learning angle/survival attempt, I did. I feel like some things are starting to come together. I’m seeing progress.

I rolled with several people that I had never rolled with. Some that I even asked myself. It almost surprised me how easy it was and how little it scared me to do so.


I got to spend a lot of time on top and I feel like I’m getting so much better at pressure. I even made it to mount a couple of times.


I actually got to attempt a few submissions while rolling with another white belt. I had a few armbars set up but never got to the finish. I was trying so hard to be patient. I put all my weight on the guy as I was setting it up. That’s been a thing that has tripped me up a little. I swear I’ve spent my life worried about my weight so I haven’t been too fond of the idea of exposing how much I weigh by sitting on someone.

That weight worry didn’t last long. Last night I said to myself, “Screw that, I want the armbar.”

So, I sat there with my full weight on the guy and squeezed tight. I took my time setting it up making sure that I had everything where it was suppose to be. It’s not often that I make it to that position so I didn’t want to rush and skip over an important detail. Everything felt tight but then I just couldn’t break the grip to extend the arm. I was close at one point. I had slowly worked my arm through and grabbed my collar. I was starting to raise up to extend his arm when he requested we move away from the wall. I was [this] close.


I feel like there is a shift in my way of thinking. Maybe a better understanding of how to get out of dangerous situations. Just small things like seeing what someone is trying to do and figuring out what I need to do to stop it or which direction I need to move to avoid it. I don’t mean that I always do it, but I find myself thinking about those things.


I got caught in a rear naked choke attempt. I fought it, got my chin tucked, and had a good grip on his arm so he couldn’t get it in all the way. He still cranked it pretty good. It hurt and for a moment I thought about tapping.

I didn’t.

I don’t want to tap in those moments where it’s just really uncomfortable. I understand that if an injury is possible, I should tap, and I will gladly do so to avoid the injury. But, I don’t want to give up when I can find ways to push past the uncomfortable. I’m glad I didn’t tap because I ended up getting out of the choke.


It was a night of many small victories. A night were I could see some progress. I may have fleeting moments of feeling like this is impossible, but it’s nights like last night that tell me this IS possible. That I can do this.


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