This week I am closing in on one of my biggest work deadlines of the year. Since I’m typically a last-minuter, or procrastinator for you fancy, big word folk, this means I spend the last week before the deadline working every second I can squeeze in. It’s pretty stupid that I do this because I know that this deadline will be here every year. I have a whole year to prepare and I end up leaving it all down to the last few months. I guess you could say that I like to live dangerously like that.
To say that I am stressed right now is an understatement and I was afraid that this stress was going to set the tone for class for me.
Stress is not my friend. He’s an asshole. He makes me frustrate quicker. He makes me feel overwhelmed and tense. He gets in my head and makes me doubt myself. He just puts me in an all around crappy mood.
However, I should have learned by now that this stress guy is no match for BJJ.
BJJ is like a super hero that saves the day and strangles out the stress. Jiu-jitsu did just that for me last night. I left class with a smile on my face, excited about life, and what I had just learned.
I rolled with new people! Yay!
That is becoming easier and easier for me to do. I love how each person I roll with teaches me something different. I rolled with two brown belts and I feel like I walked away from those experiences with so much new information.
I used to get really envious of my husband when I was in that phase where I wasn’t really rolling with anyone else. Everyone he rolled with would help him with something new. Something he was struggling with or kept getting stuck in or how to not get caught in a certain submission and sometimes an escape to that submission once he’s caught in it.
I could very clearly see that if I didn’t start rolling with other people my knowledge, the good and lasting knowledge you gain from experience, full speed rolling, and interacting with higher ranks, was going to be very limited.
Rollin’ is where it’s at. Fo sho.
I also, for the first time, asked someone to roll. Now, I feel it’s important to be honest here. It was kind of set up in advance so it wasn’t a full force act of courage. But, it got me so much closer. I had been told that this guy would roll with me but the catch was that I had to ask him. That made it a little easier. No less terrifying, but easier.
I asked. He said yes. I survived. Look. at. that. I survived.
It felt like a big victory. Especially after how much I learned from him. I’m so glad that he made me ask, that he pushed me to get out of my comfort zone.
I left class on such a BJJ high.
The next challenge I’m giving myself is to ask someone, someone that hasn’t been prearranged, to roll. No more waiting for things to happen or waiting for people to ask me. I need to go out there and make it happen myself. Insane courage for 20 seconds, that’s all I need. I can do this.
You are brave, Allison. You are brave.